Start Boldy and Slowly

2,271 days. That's how many days it took for me to become an international model.

I have been in Milan for five days now. Most of the other models I have met are 19 or 20 years old and have been modeling for around a year or so. 

I'm not going to lie, these stats have made me feel like I'm a bit out of place, especially because no one else I've met so far is a mother. 

But we're all at the same place, at the same time, going to the same castings. I am just as worthy of being here as they are. 

It's bold of me to be here, honestly. To show up among people I'm almost 10 years older than; to sacrifice time I could be spending with my family.

If I look back at who I was when I started modeling again, I wasn't confident, I wasn't wise, and I certainly wasn't ready--but I was bold. 

It was bold of me to recognize modeling was still a dream of mine. It was bold of me to sign with a modeling agency I knew nothing about. It was bold of me to dedicate my free time over the last six years to developing the skills needed to become an international model as a 28-year-old mother of two.

There were moments I was frustrated that my dream was taking so much time to come to life. I felt that every year I got older without having any measurable success as a model meant my chances of succeeding were lower and lower. You don't hear of any supermodels who found success after having children and being in their late 20s. 

The digital age we live in makes it seem like success is something that can be achieved quickly, as long as you have the perfect marketing strategy or a viral idea. 

But what if you're not an overnight success? What if you need 2,271 days to reach a point that takes other people six months to get to?

Going slowly isn't postponing success, it's promoting integration. 

The past six years of my life have been a beautiful gestation period for my career. I was able to have another baby during that time, perfect my runway walk, get signed to an international mother agent, continue building my knowledge and technique as a model, and rewire my nervous system to be able to handle success. 

Not one single moment across this non-linear timeline toward becoming an international model has been wasted. It hasn't been wasted because it gave me the time I needed to integrate my dream into my identity. I am not choosing between two roles. I am a mother and an international model. 

Succeeding in bringing your dream to reality requires consistency. Consistency is easy with integration. It was the integration of my dream and my life that allowed me to get to this point.

Sometimes I wondered if I really was delusional--like I didn't know when to quit. 

But I think part of me always understood what I could accomplish if I just kept going. If it was possible for someone else, it was possible for me too. So I never stopped.

Little by little, I got to Milan. I did not get here quickly; speed of success was not a determining factor of this opportunity. I got here because I stayed longer--and I got here exactly when I was supposed to.

 

My arrival at this point in my career has been accomplished through gentle ambition--the kind that allows you to take breaks so life can happen, the kind that allows the integration of your life and dreams to take place.

Gentle ambition builds self-respect, self-confidence, and self-discipline. It's ambition that doesn't burn out or burn up. 

These first few days in Milan have been tough. I've been tired and jet-lagged, cold, hungry, exhausted, lost, lonely--a full spectrum of feelings that could make anyone want to give up. But I have the foundation of gentle ambition to keep me strong, and the integration of my dream into my life to keep me showing up. 

It took me 2,271 days to become an international model, but that's only been 21% of my life. It has only taken me 21% of my days on this earth to reach this major milestone in my career. That's not too long at all. 

To get to this point I had to be bold. I had to keep chasing my dream even when I was afraid. I'm not afraid anymore. It took time, so I took my time. Now I have the right knowledge and a strong foundation to confidently be here. 

My dream and my life have become one.