The Truth About Wanting More

One common experience I am certain we all share as humans is that as children we were constantly told "No". 

"That's enough Halloween candy for today."

"It's not time to go out and play, it's bedtime."

"You can't watch another movie tonight."

As a mother, these are all things I have said to my own children. They are valid statements to make as a parent who is doing their best to keep their kids safe. However, the unexpected side effect of this type of language is that it can result in fear conditioning, self-shrinking, and risk-averse behaviors.

Children's brains absorb emotion, not intention. Being shut down is an emotionally painful experience as a child, and it causes kids to generalize that wanting more of anything is not right. I know this because I've lived it, and I've witnessed so many people around me also carrying this limiting belief from childhood into adulthood. These types of statements may keep us safe as children, but they shape us into adults who subconsciously believe we can't have or shouldn't get what we want. 

What I've learned from reflecting on my childhood is that constantly being told "No" put me in a state of unnecessary anxiety and shame. I didn't feel confident because I felt there was so much I wasn't allowed to do. 

I was fearful of wanting anything my parents would reject, so I protected myself from heartache by stopping myself from expressing my true desires to them. I became a people-pleaser, and I talked myself out of doing things I really wanted to do because I thought my parents and others wouldn't approve of it. 

I recognized that I was existing in a negative feedback loop: I wanted something, expressed my desire, got shut down, and gave up on it. I felt guilty for wanting more because I learned to associate desire with danger, selfishness, wastefulness, greed, and so on. 

Is there really something wrong with wanting more?

No.

There never has been, because wanting more isn't about greed; it's about growth.

I believe our lives all have meaning and purpose, that we are on this earth to fulfill our destiny and grow. How we figure out what we're meant to be doing is often communicated to us through our dreams. Our souls can use desire to lead us to the growth we need in order to become the person we are meant to be. If we suppress those feelings of want, we can stunt our growth and prolong the time it takes for us to become aligned, content, and fulfilled. 

This realization has helped me overcome the guilt and shame I used to associate with chasing my dreams. It was hard to get past those negative feelings at first, but coupled with reparenting myself through actively challenging how I viewed the concept of wanting more, I became my own safe space for my dreams. I can now confidently follow my heart and comfortably share my hopes and dreams with other people, too.

In reparenting myself, I've changed how I parent my children as well. I speak to them in a way that continues to heal my inner child. 

"Let's save some of this candy for another day so we can enjoy it all over again."

"Time to get some sleep so we have energy to play tomorrow."

"Let's make a plan for when we're going to have our next movie night."

The truth about wanting more is this: the idea that we can't is a lie that prevents us from achieving our purpose in life. If you struggle with allowing yourself to want more, understand that it's one of those things you have to take action to reprogram. You have to push through the discomfort of feeling like you're doing something wrong by following your desires in life. 

Being free of the fear of desire is one of the best feelings in the world, and it's how I believe we're meant to experience this life. Wanting more is not a flaw; it's a compass. We can want more because we're meant for more, and when we follow our desires, we end up exactly where we're supposed to be.